there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
