just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
