you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
