Me too!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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