things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
