girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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