She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
