I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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