can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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