oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
