I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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