I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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