Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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