I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
