She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
