i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
