I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
