I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
