I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
