Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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