wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
