Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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