this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
