Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
