If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
