So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
