she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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