Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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