I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
