I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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