somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
