so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
