her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
