I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
