What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
