I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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