hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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