why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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