I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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