This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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