Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
