YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
