It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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