garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
