no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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