I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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