8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
