why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
