I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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