just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize