i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
