What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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