Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
