Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
