i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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