I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
