i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
