I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
