After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize