thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
