I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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