Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I am available for nakedness
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
