Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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