im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
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