yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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