Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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