He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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