There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
