This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
