i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
