Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I am midnight drunk by noon
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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