I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize