I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
