My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Did I show you my penis last night?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
