Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
