I'm lost and stupid without you.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
