i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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