That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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