he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
