I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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