she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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