I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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