omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
