I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
