Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize