at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
