She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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