apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
nutella sex= disaster
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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