And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
