My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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