id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
