found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
