He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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