You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
