sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize