fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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