i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize