we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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