Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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