I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize