Ambien. No doubt about it.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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