dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Ladies don't puke and tell
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
