This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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