I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
party gras won. party gras always wins.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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