she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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