Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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